Love

I adore this bag so much! Amps and i were at the drugstore buying my stocks of meds. YES, im a druggie :]] Anyway, we were also waiting for Lbc to open up since it was supposedly still lunch break according to their door post/sign. So to kill time, we entered this thrift store beside it. Checking out the shoes and bags. Then i saw this! I wanted it sooooo badly! Along with two pairs of shoes! I had no money that time, but as soon as i claimed my money in LBC, which is from a buyer on my OL shop, in less than an hour, it was out of my hands. I actually went back to the store and bagged only one pair of the shoes that i wanted. I was still trying to fight the temptation, you know. But Amps saw the agony on my face while we were leaving so he offered to buy the bag for me, sweetness! Then i pleaded and bargained, to him, if i could also keep the other pair of shoes that i also wanted. He said no. And it was too big for me. Its a size 9 or 8. Im only 6.5. But i made a verrrrrry effective kawawa face so he succumbed and asked me to try it first, so i happily did! He liked what he saw, but he told me to resell it online na lang daw since it isnt really my size and is just too precious to let go. I agreed and vowed to resell it. BUT GAAAAH, while he was walking me home, a humongous smile was plastered on my face, and right then and there, he realized.. that all our purchases are gonna be just MINE, all MINE.

NOTE TO SELF: Avoid thrift shops, Learn to Save!

~ima show the 2 pairs of shoes some other time. My cam’s SD card’s goin nuts ;[

PS: The bag actually just looks plain, i just tried hanging my LoveHeart necklace with the beaded chain i made last night. Does it look lovelier with it? :]

You told me that you dont deserve me, reason why you made some flimsy excuse to leave and for me not to ever want you back. Fine, i accept that, i dont wanna argue with you with whatever your reason is, i dont wanna hear any more lies. I dont want to hear anything more that would hurt me and make me feel worse than how i feel now. But can i ask you just one.. last.. question..

IF YOU THINK THAT I DONT DESERVE YOU..
DO I DESERVE THIS KIND OF PAIN, THEN?

People change. Heart deceives. Love fails. Truth hurts. Lies kill.

What happens when the only person whom you thought valued you more than himself suddenly makes you feel worthless? The person whom you thought loved you far more than anyone else he ever loved in the entirety of his lifetime would eventually tire out caring? The person who always lifted you up, made you smile, saved you from everything, and always always was your source of happiness would all of a sudden be the cause of your sadness? What if the person who vowed to never hurt you, will now be the exact same person inflicting the most tormenting kind of feeling to you? What if what he promised NOT to be, is what exactly he is NOW?

Ive been hurt so many times. Reason why i never fully give my trust, my heart and my self to anyone. I may appear to be the kind who chases dense meaningless relationships, but i make sure never to get attached. Because when i love, i love deeply. And i get hurt a thousand times deeper.

So when he came, i was willing to play. I admit, i did hurt him. But for almost a year he showed me how much he appreciated, valued and cared for me without expecting anything in return. I wasnt ready to give my heart yet for i wasnt sure if he would hold it with utmost care and tenderness. He gave me love, i gave him pain. I was floored. But i resisted falling. I didnt want to be under the same torment again. I never wanna love again.

Slowly, and unknowingly, i fell for him. He made me feel nothing like i ever felt from anyone before. And that is what i always tell people why i chose him, his love for me is incomparable to anyone else.
He showed me, not just promised, that he will continue to give the kind of love i longed and wished for regardless of how i felt for him. How very unconditional. It was exactly the kind of love i needed.
He promised, he vowed, and he showed it. But it came to a point that his promises started falling into empty words. Then it was twisted into lies. Into shattered pangs of pain. And with every shattered piece i bled, but i still held onto his promise, and painstakingly hoping that the person within him who loved me before would come back. Yes, he changed. But into someone i never came to know. He became the opposite of who he was when i met him.
People change. Undoubtedly, that always happens.
And still, undoubtedly, i also never change, i always fall for the wrong person. This is the third time that the love, time and effort i invested on someone, would only fall on the wrong hands. Becoming worthless, unappreciated and maybe even uncalled for.

No matter how much love you give, it is never an assurance that the person will never leave you. The part that i hate most, aside from feeling the same kind of feeling of being unvalued again, is that i was expecting him to be the one. To be the very last person who could hurt me, and the last person i will give my heart to. The last person i will love. Twelve months, all the while i thought his love was genuine, but now that only a few days short of coming to a whole year, i doubt if he really ever did love me. If he didnt, what was it then i felt? What was he after? Or.. to make it more appropriate with regards to my suspicion, WHO REALLY WAS HE AFTER?

People change. Heart deceives. Love fails. Truth hurts. Lies kill.