What happens when the only person whom you thought valued you more than himself suddenly makes you feel worthless? The person whom you thought loved you far more than anyone else he ever loved in the entirety of his lifetime would eventually tire out caring? The person who always lifted you up, made you smile, saved you from everything, and always always was your source of happiness would all of a sudden be the cause of your sadness? What if the person who vowed to never hurt you, will now be the exact same person inflicting the most tormenting kind of feeling to you? What if what he promised NOT to be, is what exactly he is NOW?
Ive been hurt so many times. Reason why i never fully give my trust, my heart and my self to anyone. I may appear to be the kind who chases dense meaningless relationships, but i make sure never to get attached. Because when i love, i love deeply. And i get hurt a thousand times deeper.
So when he came, i was willing to play. I admit, i did hurt him. But for almost a year he showed me how much he appreciated, valued and cared for me without expecting anything in return. I wasnt ready to give my heart yet for i wasnt sure if he would hold it with utmost care and tenderness. He gave me love, i gave him pain. I was floored. But i resisted falling. I didnt want to be under the same torment again. I never wanna love again.
Slowly, and unknowingly, i fell for him. He made me feel nothing like i ever felt from anyone before. And that is what i always tell people why i chose him, his love for me is incomparable to anyone else.
He showed me, not just promised, that he will continue to give the kind of love i longed and wished for regardless of how i felt for him. How very unconditional. It was exactly the kind of love i needed.
He promised, he vowed, and he showed it. But it came to a point that his promises started falling into empty words. Then it was twisted into lies. Into shattered pangs of pain. And with every shattered piece i bled, but i still held onto his promise, and painstakingly hoping that the person within him who loved me before would come back. Yes, he changed. But into someone i never came to know. He became the opposite of who he was when i met him.
People change. Undoubtedly, that always happens.
And still, undoubtedly, i also never change, i always fall for the wrong person. This is the third time that the love, time and effort i invested on someone, would only fall on the wrong hands. Becoming worthless, unappreciated and maybe even uncalled for.
No matter how much love you give, it is never an assurance that the person will never leave you. The part that i hate most, aside from feeling the same kind of feeling of being unvalued again, is that i was expecting him to be the one. To be the very last person who could hurt me, and the last person i will give my heart to. The last person i will love. Twelve months, all the while i thought his love was genuine, but now that only a few days short of coming to a whole year, i doubt if he really ever did love me. If he didnt, what was it then i felt? What was he after? Or.. to make it more appropriate with regards to my suspicion, WHO REALLY WAS HE AFTER?
People change. Heart deceives. Love fails. Truth hurts. Lies kill.
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